Worthlessness and Being Unnoticed

What does a person do if they feel worthless? They constantly strive for that value they don’t feel in themselves. What do they strive for? To do whatever is asked or not asked of them to be valuable. There’s a part of me that constantly wants to be of service.

There’s a voice telling me, ‘serve, serve, you’ve been sitting in one place for a long time taking up space, so get up, do something, help, and serve!’

Then some time passed and I realized I wasn’t appreciated. So how did this happen now? My family taught me to serve to be loved and to give to others without them asking for anything. Now, when I ask for something, the people around me pretend not to hear. They ask, ‘What? I didn’t hear, did you say something?’ or they don’t answer at all. THE UNBEARABLE PAIN OF NOT BEING SEEN. From here, these thoughts also come: ‘I’m not in.’People who are the first to call me for help if someone has a job.. when I want something from them, I’m like a ghost to them, basically I’m not there!

So what are the chaos we create in our lives for? I can say this for myself: in my ordinary daily life, where no one notices me, I can create a chaotic situation by making drama. Even though I don’t do it consciously, after causing chaos I start noticing the attention people give. Normally, people who would see me and look away started coming to me, and those who didn’t reach out began asking questions. Part of me is happy with this attention, and it fuels me. Then, the game ends, and since the attention is temporary, I go back to being my usual fading, invisible self. This time my mind is looking for new scenarios, new dramas just to be noticed again. Like a revolving circle..

I think the reason for not being seen is a sense of worthlessness. The way to overcome worthlessness is to create. My very valuable teachers taught me this. We need to create in order to get more than our worth. So, I wonder, what would it be like to be able to offer a value? When my resonance starts generating value, naturally my worth will be noticed and it will naturally be understood that I’m there because I’m beginning to see the value within myself. There won’t be a need for the dramas I create anymore.

Since I like quoting from books and sharing them, I’ll make a quote here.”The ultimate version of yourself.. Who is she/he? What is she/he capable of? How does she/he live her/his life? Burn these questions into your mind until you find the answer. Every night before bed, gather a council. Let that council be made up of people in whom you see your best versions. Let them have courage, compassion, strength, virtue, influence, capability, and sheer presence.Because they learn, persist, they overcome. The thought of being like them will lift you up. “ I think their induction will pass on to you. Welcome, “value “and “existence”.

 See you in my next posts.

Love S